IRL: Diets and Getting Motivated

Going on a new diet recently. I feel like I've gained like...20 pounds since moving into the apartment. I'm totally scared to jump on the scale. Hell, I'm scared to go see people I've met before, in fear that they'll be like "Whoa you gained some weight there missy". Waaah. I'm probably imagining it, I wanna convince myself...there were plenty of times when I felt like this and I totally didn't gain anything. In fact, at some time I lost weight. Bodies are weird...

Anyway. new diet is mainly vegetables and the like. I'm cutting out rice and pasta...and am thinking of replacing it with something else like fruit. It's pretty much eating salads mostly, though I've run out of dressing, carrots, tomatoes, seaweed salad, chicken salad (chicken, mayo base, grapes, with some nuts)...I'm planning on starting today! Woohoo, hopefully this'll stick around. I'm not cutting out meats, but I am requiring myself to eat leaner meats such as chicken and fish. Maybe I'll make some salmon tonight. Salmon salad maybe. With basil pesto.

I hate exercise. I'm going to skip this section.

I beat Tetris again today! For the DS. Woo.

Motivation. Shit. My motivation has been absolute shit. I haven't done work in a while because I just feel way too unhappy, to be honest. I look at the work, read the first two sentences and feel so bored or uninterested. I don't wanna do much of anything but maybe...crochet or knit, or write or play FB games or games in general and...argh. I just haven't been feeling my 100%. Maybe not even my 50%. I'm supposed to get a job too, but I'm not sure how much I'll be into it. I don't wanna waste my money for this semester. I have to get good grades...just...how am I supposed to boost myself up there..??

I've actually been really sad since the dog thing fell through...I'm really sad. I miss canines...they're my friends, they're my silly, goofy sides of happiness, really. I...really miss a dog. Having one, touching one, waking up with one. I think I'm scared of waking up just alone. Dogs make me feel secure and happy. They make me feel satisfied and happy with myself overall. It's so sad I'm so dependent, but this is how I am...this is how it has been since I've grown up with them. It's just something I have to accept...being buried in doggies and puppies. Not like I'm complaining.