Welp. I broke it just a couple days ago. T_T Sorry Blogiates...video games are just too good! Today I decided to work on diet. Diet diet diet. And by diet I don't mean actually skimping on meals, but rather a change in meals. Today I had a red and orange bell pepper, broccoli, mushroom and onion stirfry...with red pepper flakes! It was really good actually...I liked it. And from what everyone says, I can have as many vegetables as I please and not worry too much about all those carbs. I like that part of the diet. :>
Other than that, I'm taking advice from JennIm and photographing my food to make sure I'm looking at it with guilt. Yes. Guilt. I'm gonna guilt myself into eating right!
Lastly, I think I realized something that I need to remind myself every day about...this isn't for anyone. I'm not dieting so Oppa will love me more. Oppa already loves me the way I am. I always say to him "Do you hate me?". And by that I should finish it with my real feelings..."Do you hate my body? My looks? My physical presentation? Do I embarrass you? Shame you? I'm sorry..." because that's how I feel when it comes to people who love me. They lie to me and say they're okay with how I look, but inside they think I'm ugly and fat and they don't wanna to be seen with me.
But ya know...Oppa isn't that way. He never has treated me different. So I shouldn't worry. What I should be doing is looking in the mirror and saying that. "Do you hate you? Your looks? Your physical presentation? Do you embarrass yourself? Shame yourself? You're sorry..."
And yes, I am sorry. But being sorry doesn't do anything. Feeling sorry for myself doesn't help the situation at all. With words must come action, let they just be empty. I'm sad I made myself this way, but at the same time, I think that's just what is me. I'm a weak person...but it doesn't mean I can't become someone who is strong. I have to just believe in myself. Be happy with who I am...though unhappy about what I am. But who I am can change what I am. It just takes a little effort and a different mindset.
Be strong.
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